I don\’t usually drop very personal blogs, but this one is too important for me not to make an exception for…
A month or so ago, on January 30, 2018, my beloved father, whom I grew up calling \’Baba\’, passed away after a long hard-fought battle against Alzheimer\’s. He lived as long as he could for us, to give myself and my siblings a chance to overcome any issues/differences we\’ve ever had with him and make peace, to clear any karma we might\’ve had with him, and finally, God decided it was time and called his spirit home…
Suffice to say, mourning him and healing from the void he\’s left in my heart and life has been extremely difficult, yet I keep in mind that my dad, Baba, lived life to the fullest, and I know he\’d want me to remember him by doing the same… there are good days, bad days, but I take it all day by day, and thank GOD ALMIGHTY for Every New Blessed Day that comes my way.
I\’ve lived through difficult times, and even though I\’ve been mentally, emotionally and spiritually preparing for the day I\’ve been dreading for so long, the news of Baba\’s passing sent shockwaves reverberating deeply throughout my heart and soul… The day of the funeral was the most surreal experience… Carrying the casket, seeing the grave dug up… (pardon me, just difficult to go back there in my memory but I know in order to heal and move forward, I have to face it and come to terms with it, accept it and let it go). Standing there, in that peacefully quiet cemetery, in the brisk cold winter day, with tears dripping down my face, realizing and trying to process the fact that I will no longer see my dad\’s smile, kiss his forehead, hug him, joke with him, laugh and be silly with him, hear him laugh, ask him for advice and hear his voice again, see his beaming soul through his hazel eyes or spend quality time with him ever again, it\’s all hitting me square in the chest…
As we stood over, recited our prayers and said our final farewells, deep down I knew Baba was at peace at last, and that his SPIRIT was finally FREE. Free from the limitations and constraints of the human body/form, free from the clutches of Alzheimer\’s and the ailments of old age, Free to FLOW back to God, to return home to source, to reconnect with his own parents, to become One with the ONENESS of the Eternal Timelessness of the Universe\’s Infinitely Intelligent Consciousness. And that thought is what helps me cope, what helps me get through each day…
Baba… I know you\’re watching from above and beyond our 3rd density realm, I want you to know I miss you deeply, and I\’m so grateful for all the sacrifices you made, all your hard work, for everything you did to bring our family here, and I couldn\’t have asked for a better more genuine and loving father other than you… Yes, we went through a tough patch when I was a teenager, and I am so glad to have overcome that, and that we managed to rebuild our bond. You taught me so many valuable lessons in life and shared with me so much wisdom, I\’m a much better man because of you, thanks to you teaching me to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them, and to take on all the good things you do and multiply them.
You set an example of an honest hard-worker with his values and principles in the right place, and even though you weren\’t \’religious\’ per se, you sure had lots of Faith, and showcased that in the manner in which you carried yourself with authentic humility and also in how you helped so many people in your life, from family members to strangers, you had a big generous heart. When you hit tough financial times and we were too young to understand, you could\’ve easily abandoned your fatherly responsibilities and walked out on all of us, like some cowards do, but you chose to be brave, to work relentlessly hard, not taking any vacations and not even buying yourself anything, just so you can make sure we had enough food in the fridge, clothes on our backs and a roof over our heads.
Five kids, five mouths to feed, no easy feat, but you managed it, by the Grace of God you did it, and I speak for all your other children when I say, we\’re forever grateful for your courage and everything you\’ve ever done/did for us. Our family had its fair share of dramas and dilemmas, but despite it all, we overcame, and you never stopped loving any one of us, even if we were at times difficult to deal with. You forgave, and you always wanted to raise us with discipline and respect, in both cases towards ourselves and towards others. I\’ll never ever forget the time I had the opportunity to perform live on stage with you in the audience, and how proud it made you… And that you were one of the very few who still kept calling me Moe Cash, even after I hung up my belt as MC and Executive Producer. For some, fame and fortune was their definition of success, mine was that moment.
I\’m so grateful to have so many memories… and the sound of your heartfelt laughter still lingers in the echoes of my mind, and forever will remain there… Yes, you were tough with me, and we had disagreements, we didn\’t always see things eye to eye, thanks to both of our stubbornness we butted heads at times, but despite it all, I knew and know that you only had the very best of intentions for my siblings and I. Your words of wisdom, and honest advice have helped me grow and till this day, have always come in handy. You taught never to trust someone who doesn\’t trust him/herself. You taught me people tend to be more selfish than selfless, so just to be careful or else they\’ll keep taking advantage of me. You taught me to Stand Up for Myself, and not to live in fear, and not to let haters or bullies get in the way of my goals. You taught me the meaning of a dollar, and the rewards of hard work. You taught me to be independent and to count on myself. You taught me life is hard, but to remain resilient and relentless in the pursuit of my goals, dreams and ambitions. You taught me to be kind to everyone, to show mercy, to be forgiving, to be compassionate, to believe in myself, to give people benefit of the doubt but not to be taken for a fool because you didn\’t Raise No FOOL. You imbedded in me much priceless wisdom that I will forever carry in my spirit\’s chest and share with others…
Baba, I can\’t thank you enough for everything, I know your life wasn\’t easy, you had to make your way in the world when your father passed away when you were still a teenager, and you had to build yourself out of nothing, but you got yourself out of Iraq during an oppressive Saddam regime, and you built yourself a business, a family, and even though you lost almost everything, you still had all of us at the end… and that\’s what counts the most.
Baba, you are a great man, an inspiration to me, I hope to use my life to showcase my appreciation of all you\’ve ever taught me, by carrying on your legacy of selflessness, fairness, hard work, dedication, humility, authenticity, bravery, fierceness, resilience, humour, drive, wisdom and so much more.
On your 78th birthday today, I hope you\’re smiling down on us, I miss you dearly and greatly, and send you my eternal shining love….
Your Son… till the day we meet again in the afterlife… Love always,
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For anyone who\’s dealing with aging parents, I feel you, hang in there, I know it ain\’t easy, but believe me when I say, spend as much time as you can with them, cherish every moment, as hard as it gets, and it only gets harder, you don\’t want to live with regret for the rest of your life knowing you could\’ve or should\’ve spent more time with them. God Bless, Stay Strong. One LOVE!